you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
