I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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