A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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