I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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