Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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