Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
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