JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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