Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
