ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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