Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
they're like a gay fantastic four
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
