I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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