Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
