WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
