The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
