He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
