as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
