I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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