dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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