I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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