You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
