I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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