You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
