I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
