she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
