Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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