literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
