lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
