As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
