going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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