on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
