So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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