ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
