I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I am midnight drunk by noon
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
