wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
two words: eviction party
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
