Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
