i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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