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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
