The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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