I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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