Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
