My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
