You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
