You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Randomize
