why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
