thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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