I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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