i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
