you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
worst night to have a conscience
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
