If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
