haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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