yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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