that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
