i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
