dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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